Perhaps my previous intention to dislike Monday was…well, a blip. Today, things are moving. Not quickly, but slowly, with consideration and a fair amount of dedication.
This attitude started on account of Saturday’s long run. It’s amazing how these runs can clarify things for me. First, I didn’t really want to run. Well, I didn’t want to start. I wanted to already be halfway (ha!) with the difficult part of starting over and done with. I know how great a run feels once you’re into the motion and the adrenalin is coursing through your body. It’s why we runners keep going back. Starting? Not so much.
Second, on Saturday, the weather was to turn and a run would become very unpleasant in the manner of ice pellets with a side of strong winds. My time was running out, pun intended, so I reluctantly laced up and headed out. The first 3km were terrible. I watched as km markers passed and I kept promising myself I would turn around at the next. Little white lies to keep my feet going towards a goal I wanted to reach. I kept going knowing my coach wanted me to reach between 6-7km that day. I kept her in my mind when I wanted to turn around. I pushed myself. I focused on the doing and willed my mind to get it together. In the end, I ended up getting in a decent run even though I ran uphill into the wind, somehow knowing that I would be running downhill with the wind at my back helped.
I think this is often how we see things when a change or unanticipated situation arises. It’s insurmountable. Impossible. How could we ever tackle it? Picking a way through is as much as seeing the path as it is preparing to take it. This comes with taking a long, realistic view of where we are and venturing into where we might go. It comes with having people in your corner who believe you can do what you set out to do. It comes with showing up.
Today I am tackling a bunch of small things that together help me see a clearer path. My life is changing and I’m evolving; I need to see my way through this. So today, I’m doing everything from organizing to making phone calls to arranging appointments I’ve been putting off. I’m not really sure when, or if, I get to coast down the other side, or if I’m even near the top of this particular hill. I do know that all this action feels pretty good.